Musings of the Moment

SPAM!!

2010-11-11T22:09:00.000-08:00

Friends,

I have been spammed. Do you know how this makes me feel? Violated. Freaked out. Angry. Who the heck wants to get into my account and send junk web pages? Gah... I'm sorry if you receive some of this.

What I don't understand is why this happens to me, when I respect other people's emails. Whatever happened to Karma? I feel that if I don't hack into others' accounts, then neither should they.

There.

Once upon a time...

2010-06-21T21:21:00.001-07:00

there was a little girl named Julianne. Growing up, she was kind of like the other girls, except for the fact that she didn't know what to do when playing "pretend" (no "playing house" for her) and also the fact that she didn't find joy in doing anything with Barbies except to dress them up. (What else are you supposed to do with them? They weren't real.) Besides these strange quirks, little ickle Julianne did what other little girls did -- played dress-up, ran around with endless energy and fantasized about what life would be like once I was a grown up. Heck, back then , sixteen was the magical age. After, that's hold old both the Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty were when they found their princes. And who's to say that Pocahontas, Cinderella, and Jasmine were any older than they were?

I digress...growing up, in my young mind, was something that I could not comprehend, but I knew in my little heart of hearts that it was exciting and that my life would be great. In my mind, by the time I was the "magical sixteen," I'd be in a hot car, joy riding around with my friends and their boyfriends. But the best part of this was that I'd be the "fairest of them all" and would have the Hottie McHotterton as my boyfriend. Little did I know, that at the age of 16, I would have no interest in these little pock-faced twerpy kids that were actually my age. I realized once I turned 16 that all of those hot teenagers you see on movies (e.g. Shane from A Walk to Remember, Hot guy from A Cinderella Story, etc.), are actually hot 25 year old men that have had facial hair for at least 10 years and also spend at least 2 hours in a gym, bench pressing heavier weights than what the little boys' bodies weighed. Darn it, that was a little bit of a depressing realization, but funny to me nonetheless.

What was not funny to me was that I was actually AWKWARD at the age of 16!! This was never mentioned in any of the movies/magazines/fairytales that I had ascribed to. I worried about what I was going to say to someone if they came up to me to start a conversation. I worried about fitting into the cool group of kids during the 7 minute breaks we had between classes. I felt self-conscious about my pudge and my love for sweets -- I couldn't let go of my love for Pop Tarts. None of this fit.

In spite of this ill-fitting schema, I was still able to have a very enjoyable and fulfilling high school career. I made some of the best friends that I will ever make in those 4 short and awkward years. I was molded by some amazing teachers that I didn't realize could be that cool. I played in countless orchestras and was taught by amazing violin teachers. I got good grades and learned so many skills that prepared me for college. Though I was never dazzling in the art of demureness and quiet composure that would win the men around me, I learned the art of sarcasm and humor. Though I did not possess the body of a Disney Princess, I was healthy, and I was able to appreciate my leaner figure once I grew out of that awkward stage.

You should watch this video to see what I mean.

And so, looking back as a teenager on my childhood viewpoint of what my life was going to be like, I was able to laugh. "Oh little Julianne. How little you knew about the substance of life. Cute." The qualities that I thought mattered-- that made it possible to burst into song in the middle of life-- were no where in sight thus far, but I had had so much more real joy (and real embarrassment) because of that.

I bring this all up, because I have been reflecting on my childhood and teenage expectations for myself often lately. Ever since I've come home from New Zealand, I realize that I am getting close to graduating with my Bachelors and facing a lot of big choices. What's funny is that I viewed 20 year old as OLD and settled down. In my little mind, I was going to be married or on the way to being married at that age. Well, that's not looking too accurate right now. In fact, I now face the question of a mission or graduate school right now; 2 options that I never even really knew existed for me when I was younger. I look back on my life in college and these magical years of my youth and admit that they were nothing what I expected, which is precisely why they have been so good.

I never expected to have a cake fight or flour bomb fight. I never expected to live in a foreign country. I never expected to hike every weekend. I never expected to like running (girls don't sweat!!). I never expected to have to work really hard in research labs. I never expected my roommates to be so fun. I never expected to have felt so much pain that I have occasionally felt through relationships. I never expected to be so tired every day. I never expected so much peace in living in the everyday unknown.

My life is good. It's not what I expected (poor college kid writing blasted papers and beloved blog entries), but I it! Everyday is a new adventure and every day I am blessed beyond belief. I don't have to sleep through my life, waiting for a prince to battle my dragons, or lie in a coffin helpless until Prince Charming comes with his Kiss of Life. Nosiree, I live my own enchanted life -- awkward moments and all!

Wisdom from an A-Grade Wannabe

2010-06-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

It's so easy to be distracted when you want to be.

So I'm sitting here in the Library ...

2010-06-04T20:04:00.001-07:00

... on a Friday night, when I overhear an overzealous male say to one of his friends, "So the electrons actually repel one other!!" Trust me, buddy, repulsion was the word I was looking for, too.

Wow, good thing I only have one and half weeks left of school. This may rub off and I'll exclaim to a random bystander, "So the cognitive dissonance actually repels productivity!!!"

Heaven forbid.

2010-06-01T22:40:00.000-07:00

Oh my land, 3 realizations:

1)I wish that I had more time to blog/ that I would give up more to be able to blog

2) I miss New Zealand a lot

3) I'm only 20 years old

Yep, I know, these are all pretty obvious that shouldn't be as powerful to me as they are. Oh, you just wait to hear about the rest that I have recently realized, but I'll only focus on these.

I love to write. I love to write in my blog, but somehow I always end up doing more ridiculous things, such as running, living, laughing, watching 30 Rock with my friends or skyping with Scott. Oh wait, these are all good things. That's why. Why can't there be more time, instead? Why must I choose how to spend my time? This doesn't seem fair. Especially since I work 30 hours a week, do research for 5-10 hours, 10-20 hours of school and class, time just flies into the pockets of the metaphorical merchants who have purchased my labor... or so it would seem. Despite the fact that I have chosen all of these activities, I still feel a slight bitterness towards all of these activities. Why? I know not. It could be because I feel a sense of expectations that don't exist. Or they do. Not sure yet, but one day, I'll have the free time that i desire, right?

Onto my second point -- Where is my New Zealand, or rather, what am I doing here, thousands of miles away from this land that I grew to love with all of my heart? I was looking at some pictures from friends that went on the study abroad with me, and I honestly almost started crying. I miss my close friends. I miss my wonderful Sagmyr family who I loved so much. I miss the billowing clouds and I miss my awesomely tough-as bike. Shoot, I miss my leg muscles, too. Life just feels so much more constraining now that I'm here in the States. Nothing against you , America, but you've got to admit, the pace of life here is too fast. I'm so grateful for the chance that I had to stop for 3 months and learn about the land that I lived on and learn about myself. I can honestly say that was the best thing that I have ever done in my life. I know who I am, what I like to do with my free time (which I used to have plenty of ) and how much I value the important relationships in my life. I realize what a life force they are to me. Thank you, to all of my family and friends who support me. I don't know what I would do without you :)

Point three: I don't know if this happens to others, but constantly I say to myself, "Self, you are only 20. Don't worry about life. You don't have to have it all figured out yet, and you don't need to." I know that I have only lived 20 years, but is it possible to have gleaned 25 or 30 years worth of experience in that time? I think about my past experiences and feel like I have lived fully and connected completely with amazing people. What more is there? I think the one thing that is still 20 years old in my life is my experience with pain: I have had little of that. I'm not saying this to lift myself on a pedestal at all, but it is a phenomena that I have been noticing lately. It just makes me wonder, if I feel like I'm 24 right now, what will I feel like when I actually reach that age? I don't know. Maybe this will come in handy for me sometime.

Ugh, how come I am old?

El fin, pero mas ver luego

2010-04-06T16:57:00.000-07:00

So this is it.

I am leaving Invercargill at 11:50 am in two days, April 9th, 2010 to head up for Auckland to begin my travels abroad to Sydney and then Samoa. But what if I don't want to go?

It seems like it took forever just to get here. Waiting since June of 2009 made January 12th seem forever away and that New Zealand would never come. Once it did, I had been ready to jump on board the instant my plane pulled up to go.

The first 2 weeks (which I will finish posting once I get back in the states. Loading pictures here takes TONS of time and internet memory) were a completely different experience than I have had anywhere. I was thrown together with 34 other 20 something year olds to basically vacation all over New Zealand. Black water rafting, white water rafting, caving, multiple beaches, grocery shopping expeditions, endless driving in vans, shopping, hiking Mount Doom, running early in the morning with mist covering the trails, fiercely competitive card games, inside jokes, inappropriate bodily functions, and many other fun memories. Somehow it all worked. I thought I knew my new friends, but little did I know how much more I would learn.

Once we got to Invercargill, more trips and more drama. Couples sprouted up throughout the 3 months and even engagements were broken off! BYU never leaves... and neither does the honor code :) And yet, this was so separate from BYU. The first time I realized that this was a completely different situation and world was when I was with my friends for 4 hours before the topic of dating and marriage came up. What the?!? What is this new world? A breath of fresh air, to say the least.

I learned so much about myself. I learned to push myself HARD. I learned that I can bike in pain against 30 mph winds. I learned from my loving Host Family how to just enjoy being together as a family. I learned how to tie a bunch of different knots. I learned how to hold my breath for more than ten seconds while floating down a fast flowing fiver upside down in a kayak. I learned how to serve unconditionally. I learned from my friends and family how to share all that I have. How grateful I am for this opportunity and how sad I am to see it go.

I promise myself that New Zealand will live on in my life forever. I'll be back again soon!

Living with host families has been amazing once me and my roommate left our psychotic first family. The little 13 year old boy dominated his mother's life, and was verbally abusive to her everyday. Missy (my roomie) and I woke up everymorning to him cussing at his mom and telling her she was the worst mother in the world, even though she did everything for him. When we left, it was very awkward because we left with her in tears as we drove away because she didn't even realize how bad the situation was or how uncomfortable we felt. While Missy and I felt bad, we knew that we couldn't live there for 2 more months. Luckily, we were placed with the best family of all time: the Sagmyrs.

I can honestly say the Sagmyrs are the best family I know; they are healthy, they love being with one another, they have family fun night once a week, always have dinner with one another and are constantly hugging! It's almost unreal. The mom, Annie, has a husky, loving voice and is always up before 5 am each morning baking bread, scones, peanut butter, biscuits, cookies, slice, or hummus! Who does that? Her husband, Jason, has the best humor ever! Very sarcastic and intelligent. I have gotten into many a battle of wits with him; I'd say we're pretty well matched for one another. He was really excited about our cheeky humor because he said most Southland Kiwis are too genuine and get offended by what he says. Game on! They have 2 beautiful daughters, Hannah (19) and Ruth (15) who are loving and just as witty as their parents. They are like my own sisters. Their younger boys (Tim = 13, John = 9) are HILARIOUS! Tim tries to joke around with me and pretend he doesn't like me, but it's clear that he ADORES me (who wouldn't :D) and little John is always there to give you a hug and show you his legos. I love them all!

We always have tea (dinner) together

Pau

2010-03-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a break from my two week chronicles...

Someday, I'll finish it. For now, I'm feeling rather reflective because I almost have to leave NZ now! Seriously, It's Day 67, and I'm leaving in 18 days. Oh how I will miss so much.

I'll miss my crazy NZ family; the wrestling matches between the boys, the jokes about American accents, the stories that make me laugh so I hard I cry, and the pure love they have shown me

I'll miss waking up at 8 and still having time to do whatever I want

I'll miss the green rolling hills and bright blues of the skies

I'll miss riding my bike

I'll miss saying lollies, car parks, tundlers, sweet as, necked, tomahtoes, lux, good on ya, and all other kiwisms.

I'll miss the relaxed atmostphere

I'll miss the sense of adventure just being around the corner

I'll miss not having to worry about dating

I'll miss not wearing makeup in public and feeling just fine about it

I'll just miss everything. When I come back, just allow me to reminisce and say ridiculous NZ phrases.

Across a Ferry into Picton

2010-03-08T21:06:00.000-08:00

Day 7 & 8

We started Day 7 in Wellington in the big museum. The stigma of being boring did not apply to this museum. Actually, I've found that I have enjoyed each museum that I've been to here. Hmmm, does that make me boring? Moving on. There were exhibitions on the native animals-- marine and land-- as well as many Maori artifacts. So great!

Here's a random thought that I had about museums, though. I feel slightly afraid of them. I don't know how to handle the extreme amount of ground that I have to cover. Do I turn right or left? Do I go into gallery 7 or 8? I only have 2 hours; what am I getting myself into? As ridiculous as it sounds, I'm afraid of failing to absorb every detail of the museum that I should. Yes, I am strange. Trust me, I was as surprised by this realization as you are.

After the Museum, we went off to Ferry all 38 of us and the 3 vans across the Tasman Sea to leave the North Island for the South Island. 3 hours of pure joy, I tell you. I got seasick a bit, but was able to get some quality Harry Potter reading in as well as completely update my journal. Nice.

We arrived in Picton, a tiny harbor town, and stayed in the Holiday park there. Best memory from that place = my gorgeous run along a ridge overlooking a bay, enclosed by green mountains. I wish that I could show this to you, but I have no pictures.

Go ahead: use your imagination and feel the sea breeze on your face as you breathe in the cleanest air and see the best views as you run through the hills of Picton.

Wellington

2010-03-08T20:52:00.000-08:00

Day 6 and 7:

Wellington

From Tongariro Crossing, we went to the big to the big town of Wellington, the Country's capital. Not too much here. Just a night out on the town. Got some awesome Portugese food here and saw the sun set over the ocean.

Tongariro Crossing

2010-02-18T15:11:00.000-08:00

Day 5

Tongariro Crossing was our first activity that required a lot of physical exertion. Picture this: the past week, we have sat or slept for more than half our days. We come to Tongariro Crossing hike and decide to hike a volcano along an unmarked mountainside that is a 33 degree angle ascent. Mmmm, all of this elements combined together to form the HARDEST HIKE I have ever done. EVER! Probably the hardest, physically, I have ever had to push myself.

The entire tramp was 19 km. With Mt. Ngauruhoe (the volcano we climbed), it was an extra 3,000 feet ascent. Apparently, this is NZ's most active volcano in all of the island. No worries, no erruption, but there were definitely rocks tumbling down the entire time. As we started this climb, there was a really heavy fog covering the mountain, so none of us could actually see how high the Volcano was, or how steep. In this case, my ignorance was bliss. All I knew about this baby was that it is the famed Mount Doom of the Lord of the Rings movies and that I was going to get to the top. Little did I know that with every step I took, my foot would slide down half a foot in the super soft dirt of this mountain. The entire 1.5 hour climb, I was bent over and pushing my leg muscles hard.

The Fellowship

Reaching the top of that beast was the best summit of my life. Never have I been more tired, but more ecstatic to have done a climb that hard. It goes to show, that you can do whatever you put your mind to. Also, not knowing how much more I had to climb helped too. Usually, I need to see the goal in order for me to be motivated enough to keep going, but this time, not knowing the full difficulty of the task ahead aided me because I didn't ever have an opportunity to question my ability; I just moved forward.

The rest of the 19 km that we hiked were no big deal, but the views were awesome!

Best part: Emerald lakes in the volcanic craters.

NZ excursion continued... Tauranga Beach and Hamilton

2010-02-18T14:06:00.000-08:00

Day 3: To the Beach and Beyond!

The good life. We left Rotorua -- a lakeshore beach -- to play at the real beach of Tauranga. The best part about this beach, besides its stunning beauty, was the mountain right next to it.Beloved Mount Maunganui You could hike a mountain, then run down in all your sweaty glory to run into the clean, teal water. The only thing you had to watch out for were the HUNDREDS of jelly fish. Have no fear. All were safe and happy at the end of the day.

Just me and the mountain... and the cars... and the random shop.

Back to the vans. Off to Hamilton. Hamilton was one of the bigger cities that we had seen, besides our breeze through Auckland. It's a beautiful town, with still a lot of farmland. The most beautiful landmark of the town had to be the LDS Temple set on a hill overlooking rolling green hills.

We did Baptisms for the Dead that day and were welcomed by the temple presidency. They were all so kind. It was a beautiful experience that I will never forget.

DAY 4:

New Zealand Singles Ward and Temple Visitors Center

We arrived at church at 9:45 am to go to the only Singles Branch in all of New Zealand. Before we had come to NZ, the branch president asked if the BYU students could give the talks and supply the musical number. Of course we agreed, so I was in charge of the musical numbers while 3 other students gave talks. The spirit was very strong throughout the entire meeting.

I may have been on the other end of the world, but a singles ward is a singles ward wherever you are; slight meat market feel. At the end of the meetings, the branch presidency invited us to stay for a potluck munch and mingle (aka: feed and flirt). There was TONS of awesome NZ food that lasted all of about 15 minutes. I hope that we didn't fulfill the American stereotype of slobby pigs! If they did think that, at least they were still nice. They were all very eager to get to know us. One thing that is great about the Kiwis is that they love to laugh, so it was a great time with them.

We went off to the Temple Visitors Center and learned more about the Church's history in New Zealand. I walked around and got some photos.

What a perfect land to have the Temple of the Lord.

The Silver Fern is the national emblem of New Zealand

Temple Grounds. Mmmm.

Accommodating Experiences

2010-02-04T01:18:00.000-08:00

Today in class, we learned about Piaget's theories within child development. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what does that have to do with anything, you ask? Well, all throughout your life, you experience accommodations and assimilations. Assimilations are experiences that you have already experienced and at least have something similar to compare your new experience with. For example, if I water ski, snow skiing will be an assimilation from that. For accommodations, it is an experience that you have nothing to compare to; it is a new experience all together.

Now that you are equipped with all of this wisdom, I'll share with you my accommodations from this experience, and trust me, there are a lot:

Jumped off a waterfall backwards with a tube on my bum in an underground cave.
Rode a 21 foot waterfall in a raft.
Hung upside down in a kayak waiting to be rescued... just for fun.
Ate mutton, fish and chips, rhubarb and custard, and gluten-free buns that made me choke
Went in water colder than 50 degrees
Wore a wetsuit
Played rugby (it's intense!)
Biked more than 4 miles in a day (my top is 27 miles and then runnning 2. I'll beat that soon!)
Climbed a volcano at a 45 degree angle
Slept in a tent for more than 3 days
Ate a Haangi feast
Saw glowworms
White water rafted
Played on a See-saw
Hung my laundry on the line
Drank Milo (love it with all of my heart)
Lived with a family that I didn't know
Had a drunk neighbor bang on the door in a rage
Paid $13 dollars for a small bag of nuts and raisins. Grrrrrr.
Ate 72% dark chocolate
Slacklined (Took 4 steps AND turned around. Sweetas!)
Took a nap in a park
Rode a ferry for 3 hours
Played in a park by myself (Loved the zipline!)
Set up a tent on my own.
Got bit by flies (more on that later...)

And that my friends is the list. There will be more later. My experience has only just begun.

2010-02-03T13:13:00.000-08:00

Lake Rotorua
Day 1
We arrived in Rotorua 4 hours after our flight and headed straight to the Lake. I'm sure you can see why.e

The Next day.....
We went to a Mitai Marae.
Day 2

A Maori Marae is a feast and an introduction of their tribe, if you will. When we first got there, the Host introduced himself as being part of the Mitai family tribe that used to live in the hills of Rotorua. They now run these Marae. He asked us all to identify the country that we came from. Everyone was pretty normal, except for those crazy Ozzies. ("Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozzie! Oi Oi Oi!" One lady kept yelling that at the most inappropriate times. Drunk? Maybe, but someone told me that that was pretty normal for Australians :) After our introductions, the host introduced our "chief" who would come and meet the Mitai chief. This was all in preparation for the show we were about to see.

Haangi: where food is cooked in a pit all day in preparation for a feast. Mmmmm! Maori know how to cook!

After the chief-choosing, we were taken down a beautiful path next to the clearest water I have ever seen. As we looked down the river, a waka (maori canoe) was full of these Maori warriors who were rowing their oars while also twirling their oars in sync, kind of like the US army, but SO MUCH COOLER. Once they came to shore, we were ushered into an outdoor theater that overlooked an old Maori village, with men and women dressed in original tribal clothing. The rest of the program included our chief (a nervous Canadian who wasn't quite sure what was going on) clumsily introducing himself, while the Mitai chief was breathing hard and hissing after his war introduction. In Maori culture, the home chiefs would do a "war dance" of sorts, where he did awesome and intimidating jabs and moves to show the newcoming chief what he was getting into. Poor white chief. Luckily, this was all staged, otherwised, I think our representative chief may have wet himself. I know I would have!

The rest of the program included the Haka dance and all of these other introductions of Maori culture that I have never even heard of. We were shown their weapons and their means of combat. The most intimidating thing was not their deathly sharp Pounamu or their long range spears, nor their rippling muscles, but their scary huffs, growls, hisses and tongue wagging. It was terrifying, but so awesome to watch.

After said program, we -- the white people paying for this experience -- were allowed to eat to our American hearts' content to the tune of rolls, stuffing galore, 3 kinds of meat, 3 pasta salads, lettuce salad, rice dishes, scalloped potatoes, cooked potatoes, fried potatoes and all other goodness that you can think of. Yep, I knew what to do then: pile the plate and enjoy.

Once we had reached our eating capacity, we were taken on a tour around their land and were told about the plants of the land and a little history of New Zealand. This was definitely one of the best experiences of New Zealand.

If you thought that was cool, just look how I started the day.

Sunrise of Day 2

Our first morning in Rotorua. Tina and I ventured off to Lake Rotorua and were able to see the beautiful sunrise. Trust me, there have been a lot more where that came from.

Love this boat.

It's a beautiful day. Don't let it slip away.

First views of New Zealand

2010-02-03T12:50:00.000-08:00

We arrived at the Auckland Airport at 5:30 AM on Thursday, January 14th. Here was the first sunrise that I saw.

I can't tell you how much I love the clouds here!

My head was already swimming from the beauty of an hour drive. Little did I know the beauty that still awaited me!

The Adventure Begins

2010-01-30T22:23:00.000-08:00

Kia Ora!

For those of you who may not know, I am in New Zealand from January 14th until April 11th on a BYU study abraod with the Recreation Management/ Youth Leadership department along with 34 other students. Yes, yes, it is not my major, but it was an opportunity that I could not pass up. Once we got here, we spent two weeks travelling from the North Island to the very tip of the South Island in Invercargill. The Cities that we stayed in were:

Auckland

Rotorua

Tauranga Beach

Hamilton

Waitomo

Tongariro Crossing

Wellington

Ferry Ride to North Island

Picton

Kaikoura

Christchurch

Greymouth

Cromwell

Invercargill -- FINAL DESTINATION!

As per the plans of the program, we set up tents in each of these destination and slept in them for two weeks at Holiday parks. These holiday parks had community kitchens and bathrooms, so we were high-class camping! Truly, driving cross country is that only way to see the beauty of New Zealand. Driving was my favorite part! I mean, who wouldn't love being in a twelve passenger van with no tinted windows and a 4 cylinder engine, chock full of BYU students? You can see some of my car shots in the slideshow on my right hand side of the blog. They are breathtaking, and it wasn't my photography expertise that made it that way. :D

From now on, my next posts will show you what we did in each town, until we finally arrived in Invercargill. Do enjoy!

Haikus and Recap

2009-12-22T19:15:00.000-08:00

First of all, I must send my love to Jenny Kellis. Here it is in the form of a haiku:

Beautiful red curls
Cover a brain of genius
Oh how I love her

Merry Christmas, my friend!

In other news, I'M HOME!!! The first thing I did when I got home was sit on the couch with my mom's kitten in my lap and read a book. Eleven hours of driving sure does take it out of you. How lame is it that after all of that driving, all I do is ... sit. BUT, I was petting a cat as well, so that has to give me some points.

Since I've been home, I have felt more relaxed than I can remember. For example, I went to bed last night at NINE PM! Waking up the next morning at 7 was the best feeling in the world. 10 hours? What the? Is this truly the life of Julianne? Where are the copious meetings, endless stresses, and college shenanigans? HA, back in Provo, where I have left them until April 20th.

Highlights of my Fall Junior Semester:
- officially switched from the longest major at BYU (double major in music and elementary ed) to the shortest (Psychology) with a minor in music. Sweet. Same graduation time.

- Wrote half of a paper and was second author on a paper that will (hopefully) be published. This paper was over my head since August, and am now so relieved. Thursday of this last week was the week that I was set free and was done (except for editing) Thank the Heavens! Hardest thing I have done, yet the most "stretching" I have ever done.

- Worked with a group of 9 boys with Autism/OCD/ADHD in a Social Skills group. It was the best when I would leave work and say "I'm going to Social Skills group. See ya!" and they would just look at me funny and laugh as if that explained it all.

My favorite memory was the day that we were teaching about manners.
The kids did everything WRONG and against the rules of manners
before we even introduced that as our lesson topic. Picture this:
I'm standing up, asking them about the rulesof politeness. All
of a sudden, I see little pudgy Jathan (yes, his name is Jason,
with a built in lisp) lay down and start moaning like
Napolean Dynamite. I thought, since swine flu was going around, that
he was about to puke. I asked him if everything was okay and he
says,"Ughhhhhh, Adam is picking his nose and eating his
boogahs. Ughhhhhh." I looked down at Adam and he has a sly smirk,as
if he was proud of himself for being caught, as his finger was
still in his mouth. Most of the time,I'm able to conceal my
laughter, but this was too much, so I just burst out loud
and laughed as poor Jathan's moaning on the ground and Adam's
smiling ridiculously.

It was picturesque. I will miss those boys...

- I loved my job at Conferences and Workshops. Some of my jobs included driving Koreans to the airport, eat fresh cookies at a conference we planned, laughed with my co-workers, planning test prep classes, looked at professional photography with the photographer himself and so many other great tasks. I loved it! While I will be replaced when I go to New Zealand, I'll come right back to the job that I love

- Oh yeah, I got accepted to go to NEW ZEALAND on a study abroad. Go ahead and ask, "What are you studying there (translation: what could you possibly study while you're there?). Well my friends, I am studying Recreational Management/Youth Leadership. This means that I am studying how to have fun so that I can help others do the same. I know, I know. My life is tough, but I'll take copious notes as I surf the waves, hike the mountains of Mordor, and bike beautiful trails. Trust me, I do it for the future children of America. It is my responsibility.

- Learned how to really conduct singers. Yay for music 135! Now I 'stop, flick', 'prepare', 'cue', and 'linger, accelerate!' Feel free to quiz me at any time.

- Had a blast with the most wonderful roommates I could have asked for. :)

- Played in the Philharmonic and LOVED it again for the 3rd year. I will miss it so much!

Well all, I think that should be it on this blog. Another time, another day. Stay tuned for my next blog entry on how I got lost in my own home town. How embarrassing.

Almost as embarrassing as the old layout of my blog.

2009-11-19T08:24:00.000-08:00

Wow,

I apologize for the HORRIFIC layout of this blog. Something will be done by this Thanksgiving -- I SWEAR! I must confess, the terrible layout has been the reason that I have stayed far far away from this particular site and avoided posting anything. This goes back to one of my deep, dark weaknesses that I will now reveal to you, my blog readers.

I have a problem with avoidance and procrastination if I feel like I feel like I don't have the skills for a project/paper/situation for me to be the best I can be. Yes, it is a facet of my perfectionism that kills me. It keeps me up late at night because I choose to work on projects as late as possible, hoping that by avoiding it, somehow I'll magically gain skills/confidence to do the project. Of course the logical thought does not come to mind that time will increase those skills and that I don't necessarily need to be perfect. Of course I don't think about time as a teacher and that I just need to jump in. Why would I consider any of those things?

And thus, my blog has laid in disgusting neglect while I have been busy avoiding the mess I have made. Never you fear, though. I am changing my ways! Overcoming the denial is the first step to treatment, right?

I will write more later on the goings-on in my life and my musings at a time where I don' t have a test in a conference and a test in the next hour. Wish me luck , all. I will be a better person by the next time I post.

Ughhh

2009-08-23T16:13:00.000-07:00

I apologize from the bottom of my heart about this background nonsense. I truly can't figure out how to just design my own background and so I am subject to the whims of others' backgrounds that I can't seem to get to work. I'll work on this when I'm at work and have nothing to do. Until then, I won't be offended if you choose not to look at my blog. By all means, navigate away from this page :)

I love my job!

2009-08-21T10:42:00.000-07:00

How I love Dentist's Children!

*************************************************************************************

I love my job!I I got paid to help out with the Academy of LDS Dentists' Conference. Sounds boring, huh? WRONG! This conference was set up to have classes for the dentists, spouses (aka motivational talks on housecleaning, communication and even nutrition.It could have been worse -- one of the women suggested having a speaker talk on "Women's Issues"!), and their kids ages 4-18. Basically, we just played with the kids. I took the younger kids and just died because they were so DANG CUTE! Seriously, i wanted to just take them home... but I resisted. See for yourself:

So we found a snail. I was so cool that I put it on my nose. Then little Bradley saw, and just wanted to be cool like me and did it himself.Compare the similarities.

Ahh, How can you not love these faces? Hayden is the only person I have seen sport the Bowl Cut well. Don't try it at home, kids.

COUNSELORS!

We were just taking a break at the bowling alley.

Anna and I sporting our "Recreation Clothes."

"... and beneath de clothes, you find his.... nucleus."

{Team AOD!}

And thus it ends; my last conference for this summer. I truly do love my job and all the people I work with. All I can say is that I am so blessed!

Better Than Your Dreams

2009-07-02T13:58:00.000-07:00

Dear all,

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

Sigh... I just found this quote and was so touched by it. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I just love this idea; your heart is so infatuated that it can't let the rest of your body rest. You have found the one that lifts your happiness to a higher level.

Aaaahhhh, I've never had this before, but I'll let you know I do....
Can't wait

Under Construction

2009-06-30T14:42:00.000-07:00

Don't be alarmed by the changes you are seeing on my blog. I'm still working on it. At this point, I still feel pretty clueless about how to change it, but for now, this is good and it may change a few more times within the next little bit.

Also, I'm going to actually post pictures! Woo hoo! Now y'all can be even more involved in my life :)

just as my blog is changing, so am i.

What the?!

2009-06-18T14:53:00.000-07:00

Bathrooms these days are trying to take away our freedoms!! I went into the most technilogically advanced bathrooms of my life. I practically did nothing. My toilet paper was dispensed to me. My toilet flushed for me before I could try to push the button. My faucet turned on by itself while I was reaching to get my allotted portion of soap. Before leaving the bathroom, I dried my hands using a paper towel that was automatically generated. What the?!? What if I had wanted more toilet paper than that? Of course I could have motioned for more, but maybe I only wanted to use 1.5 sheets that they gave. What if I wanted to flush my toilet at a later time? What if I didn't want as much soap as they gave me?

WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?....

Confessions

2009-06-10T15:32:00.000-07:00

Confession #1: I love to coupon

Yep just like your mom. My new excitement in my life is finding the best deals in town for grocery or whatever I need. Thus far, I've been pretty darn successful... and pretty darn nerdy. I begin my trek of savings by first scouting out the sales, complete with EXCEL spreadsheet, organized in 5 different ways by store, product and category, etc. One might call this excessive; I call it beautiful. After lovingly clipping my coupons from the Sunday paper and searching "Mommy Blogs" talking about this weeks best deals, I set out to make my conquest. My most recent victory? I spent $7 for lipliner, lipgloss, applesauce, Paul Mitchell Conditioner, Bronzer, and a pack of Eyeshadow. What the?!? How is this possible you ask? By the good graces of Manufacturer coupons and rebates and a job that has enough spare time to find these deals. I have the feeling I've started something I can't stop....

Confession #2: I don't like being the third, fifth and especially the seventh wheel

I have wonderful friends. My wonderful friends have wonderful boyfriends/girlfriends. And yet, being on the outside in, watching their cuddlings during Memoirs of a Geisha, or sitting at a dinner with inside jokes and cutesy looks flying is not my idea of a great time. I love being with them, don't get me wrong. However, I feel like I'm an intruder sometimes. For instance -- a roommate who shall remain anonymous and her significant other sat side-by-side with me on the other side. Her right hand was holding his left hand, and his right arm was around her. On occasion, his hand would accidentally brush against me. I know that as a couple, you want to be in as much contact as possible, but this was just excessive! What if there was sudden emergency that required the use of one of those intertwined arms? I can't think of one right now, but better safe than sorry, right? I felt like I was forced to keep my distance, just to avoid the awkwardness. Shudder... that affection should be saved for a Julianne-free time. FYI: I did not put myself in this position. It was a planned girls' night and ended up as a "couple's and girl" night.

Confession #3: I do nothing at work

Okay, this is may be a slight exaggerations, seeing as I am still hired and I get an occasional compliment from my boss. BUT... I am writing this blog entry while waiting for work to end. I am not lazy by any means. As all of you know, I like to work hard and do the best that I can at everything I do. And yet, I sit here for at least 3 hours of my 8 hour work schedule reading the books I want to read, writing the emails and blog posts I want to write, and clipping the coupons for food I want to save money on. Is this real life? Should I be able to get paid to do all of this for myself? If I don't do my own "to do's", then I'll just be sitting here. Why waste time not doing anything, when I can get the BYU's stuff done as well as my own? At least that's what I ask myself to feel justified.

Confession #4: I run more than I practice violin
What the?!? Such a statement should never be written by me, a former music major. Such is my new life, I suppose.

Confession #5: I have no intention of beefing up my blog like I promised unless someone shows me how

Any offers?

The rest of my confessions I'll keep to myself.

I am a runner

2009-05-27T22:02:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to declare to the blogging world that I now qualify as a bonafide runner! Never in my younger years would I have thought that I would be able/want to classify myself as such. Where did this come from?

As I reflect on this nearly comic turn in my life, I remember the beginnings of this love. It did not start as love as I ran the dusty ditch banks that ran parallel to the stinky cow dairy in the hot Arizona sun. One day, I just decided that I would be a runner and that someone thought it was a good enough idea to recommend this painful activity. Never mind that I couldn't breathe and my puny muscles trembled beneath the load of my soft couch body. One might call that thrilling... unless you were 13 year-old Julianne Dana trying to be something she was not.

Somehow, I kept running. Besides the role that I had already taken on as super-music woman, I ran every once in a while. True, the kindling desire did die down a bit, but never extinguished. It was not the year before I came to college that I really got into running. I have my dear little cousin Emery to thank for it. She and I used our running time to bond with one another and spend precious moments. You could say that we were dedicated; we started at 6:30 every summer morning so as to beat the cruel sun's heat. What a time!

It didn't end as soon as I came up to college, either. The endorphin-induced happiness kept me going (plus the pounds that I was shedding. Who doesn't want a better bod?) when I moved up to Provo, Utah.If fact, the beautiful surroundings and less-intense weather fueled me all the more. Truly, I was not made to run, but I was beginning to mold myself, one mile at a time. Since then, I can't say that I was dedicated all of the time (especially when ice cover's the ground and snow is falling during a dark morning before my 8 a.m. class. BLECH), but somehow, my desire was reborn in the spring. How appropriate.

So, I've run two 5ks and am planning to run a 10k this July 4th.Somehow, on my last run, I got 6th place in my age group (18-24 women)! What the?! I wasn't even trying for that. Yay success! Now, I want to do races and actually try! I have reached new capabilities with my running. I never run less than 4 miles and I run about 4 days a week.

Who knew that the tubby little 13-year-old violin player would end up liking this "sport" so much. May my love live on and continue to grow!

hmmm...

2009-05-10T22:58:00.000-07:00

Thoughts of late:
Context: I just got back from an Autism Research Conference in Chicago. I returned to Provo to find that I felt a little weird here. Why? I know not...

- As I was walked the streets of Chicago, could I have possibly put myself at risk for lung cancer?

- Am I really that sheltered?

- How could I be so attracted to a London Autism researcher named Sebastian that I will never see or talk to until another year?

- Why can't dating be easy? I'm frustrated with the lack of connections I am experiencing. Sigh, I suppose all in time.

- Pheremones? Do they work....

- I love Sundays, walks in the sun, satin shirts, the smell of great perfume and cologne. Mmmmmm.

- One mile seems like nothing.

That's all.

Here are my thoughts

2009-04-19T14:54:00.000-07:00

Times are changing: I feel it within me.

The season has changed, despite its schizophrenic episode on Wednesday.
My school status is changing after Tuesday-- sophomore to junior!
My major is changing-- no more long hours at the HFAC, no more violin juries to kick off finals stress and no more music classes!Hello to Psychology with all of its analysis, statistics and research design! Woo hoo!
My roommates are changing-- going from Jenny --> Allison.
My job is switching-- on top of working at the lab doing fMRI brain imaging at the U (i know, so cool, huh?!), I'll be working with BYU Test Prep classes publicizing the program, scheduling and even going on field trips with who ever my boss wants me to host. It's going to be great!
My status as a student will be changing to vacationer/conference presenter/summer bum/worker/woman-free-of-cares
I'll be a bridesmaid for the first time ever by the end of next week
I'll be a cliff jumper by next week: never done that before.
Who knows who will come into my life this summer! ;)

Change: spice of life, right? Let's just say that I am welcoming most of these changes, namely the job, the new season (YAY SPRING!), hiking and camping vacations, and no more finals for a couple months. All of these changes have no negative effects, as far as I can see. I only foresee bliss and happiness and fun and goodness.

However, for some of the changes, I'm not welcoming every part of the change. For example, even though I am so excited to begin my new roommate-dom with Allison, I am dreading the night that I no longer will be with my beloved Jenny. I will miss her laugh. I will miss her wisdom. I will miss the fact that she thinks I'm funny. I really don't want her to leave. Can't I just collect roommates? Please?

As for my new major, I know that I love psychology because of the work that I do in my lab, but I have lived the life as a music major ever since coming here to BYU. For the past two years, my hours of practicing have far exceeded my hours of studying. I guess I'll have to say goodbye to Harrison (music center) and hello to Harold (college library) for my future semesters. I feel like I am leaving behind my identity! Who am I now? I am going to be just like every other student on campus, inundated with academics and not surrounded by real music or the people that make it possible. Fortunately, I'll still be in a performing group, either the BYU Philharmonic or the BYU Concert choir, but we'll see which I make it into in the coming semester.

Overall, I am so grateful for the constant change, because without it, I would just be getting older but staying the same. What are extra years worth if every single one of them are pretty much the same.
And so, this is my ode to all things past and about to leave my life.
Goodbye, my Jenny! I have loved spending my nights and mornings with you, even if we didn't see each other in the day. I better see you A LOT before you go home, roommate or no roommate!
My many months in the HFAC have been hard, but so beautiful. Because of it, my skills of violining have increased exponentially. I have met some of the best people I have ever known. I have been exposed to some of the most gorgeous music. Oh how I'll miss you! May you always be the place of sweet music for aspiring music majors, as you have been for me. :'(

I know that great things are about to happen! Only time will tell.

2009-04-01T00:10:00.000-07:00

It's 1:10 am. I should have been asleep at least an hour ago to get up for my 8 o'clock class. But, I have to write this post before I go to bed.

I am left in awe of the strength of others. I just found the blog of a family that I used to babysit in Arizona, and found out that their darling one year old baby girl has been fighting cancer and has just started her first round of seven chemo treatments. On top of this, they have two other adorable boys, one of which has Down's Syndrome. The thing that amazes me most is their mom's positive approach to it all. They call Caleb's disability Up's syndrome. She posts pictures of her little Bree in the hospital, smiling huge in her cute St. Patrick's day garb. Little Gunner is officially the most frequently quoted member of the blog, with his cute phrases (I'm Buzz Lightyear! To Infinity and Eon!)

How could one family be asked to deal with so many trials? And yet, how much joy they find in the simple things of life!

I know there have been many posts, papers, letters and whatever else with people retracting any complaint of difficulty in their lives after seeing the trials of others. I am going to have to join their ranks tonight. My life is so blessed. My trials, in comparison with this faithful and courageous family, are minor.

So what if I have a paper due on Thursday? So what if funds are tight? So what if I have to work hard? I have my health. My family has health and loves me. My friends give me strength and love me. I have the Gospel which I love. I know God loves me.

My trials are nothing. My prayers are with you, Cook family!

For the Love of Blogging. . .

2009-03-30T13:30:00.000-07:00

Last night some friends and I gathered to play our weekly round of BANG! and naturally, the topic of blogging came up. We talked about our sweet blog posts that we were proud of. While we all alluded to our favorite blog posts of ours, someone commented that our pride and dedication was nothing in comparison to that of the loving mommies and marrieds. This is their hobby, their territory. I heard tell that jealousy rages in the hearts of sweet moms everywhere (more particularly in Wymount?) when they see a friend with a cuter blog than they have. ("How did she get her blog to be so cute? MUST. . . WORK. . . ON. . .MINE. . . MORE. I call upon the scrapbook powers of years past to enhance my virtual photo album!")

Well, I've thought about this. I'm pretty proud of my blog (ok, so maybe the aesthetics aren't the best. I'll work on that in the summer, k?). My pride is not in the cute things my kids say (FYI: I have no children), or the adorable pictures that I post week by week (BTW: I have no adorable photos. . . yet), but more in the daily activities of my life that I want to remember and laugh about later. My mommy is far away and cannot post these happenings in cyberspace, and so I resume the role of both actor and playwright, mommy and child, both for the love of expression and the obligation of documentation.

And so, I feel entitled to use the phrase, "For the love of Blogging!" when the situation calls for it.

An answer to the age old question

2009-03-24T23:09:00.001-07:00

Does she like me back?

As evidenced by the March 20th, 2009 100 hour board post (theboard.byu.edu), this question is on the mind of many an eligible man. And yet, the answer seems to be somewhat lost in translation from Guy language to Girl language. And so, out of the kindness of my heart, I have posted here on my blog the advice from a source that claims to know 5 sure-fire signs that she is interested, followed by 5 ridiculous commentary from the 100 hour board poster.

Do enjoy!

She follows you with her eyes- Have you ever seen her follow you with her eyes? Following means she looks straight at you no matter which way you travel and sometimes when you look at her she looks away then tries to look at you from the corner of her eye? If this is the case then she does like you.

Finds an excuse to talk- Does she talk to you a lot? Does she start talking to you about any random topic out of the blue just to get a conversation going and is really interested to know what you have to say? If you answer is yes again then this is a very strong indication that she is interested in you.

Does she remember everything you said? - If she remembers everything you tell her during a conversation and reminds you what you talked about the other day then she is definitely into you. Any human beings being would be more active if that person is actively interested in something. She would give you many signals in the conversation that she likes you and would be looking for your approval.

Giggly- Sometimes when girls like something she laughs or giggles more then usual and would laugh at jokes which aren’t even funny. This is such a condition where the girl is totally into you and is looking for a signal from you.

She can't relax- This is the best way to find out whether she likes you or not. If she has the hots for you she would not be able to relax around you. She would try to look her best and act her best at all times around you just to impress you. She would be careful and tentative about her every move and she would try her level best to do everything right this is why that extra bit of pressure would show on her face of lack of comfort.

100 hour board Response
So there you go. Foolproof. Even if you are a fool, these five signs will guide you. Without fail. A relationship compass as accurate as...a magnetic one. Have your children thank me.

So here's what you do to test these theories.

1) Walk in front of her in a zigzag fashion while staring at her eyes. Rather than being strange or creepy, this is actually a way to learn if she yearns for you.

2) Do not initiate conversations with her. Wait for her to come talk to you about random subjects. Like windshield wiper fluid. And Celtic mythology. Or chocolate sculptures. And fish.

3) Toss random trivia at her one day and quiz her about it the next. Here's how I see this playing out:

Monday: "Did you know that each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history? Spades is King David, hearts is Charlemagne, clubs is Alexander the Great, and Diamonds is Julius Caesar."
Tuesday: "Tell me who the King of clubs represents or I'll know you do not love me and have no desire to carry a wombling grown of my seed!"

4) Tell unfunny jokes to her. If she laughs, she's in lovings. I recommend anything from the Laffy Taffy school of joke telling. You can find a good collection here. But I'll post some favorites at the end of this post.

5) If she ever seems relaxed around you, she doesn't like you. Ergo, if you want her to like you, make sure she never relaxes around you. Try screaming at random intervals, placing insects on her head, and...oh, I don't know, let's go with telling her you're a carrier for a wildly contagious plague.

** And there you have it. While these five commentary from the wise poster may seem preposterous, take courage, men! These are necessary for the message line to be blatantly delivered. In the end, both you and she will will be in love with each others' Tomfooleries, and therefore enrich your life. So what if you seem like a drunk, antisocial that has tourette's syndrome, useless trivia and terrible jokes? It's love that you want, right?

Go ahead-- fall in lovings.

The BYU way

2009-03-18T18:15:00.001-07:00

Who needs spring break when you can take multiple tests, write 3 papers, work two jobs and prepare for an orchestra concert as well as violin juries? Well, by these qualifications, I need no spring break. That is for the weak. I will press on.

Grrrr.

PS-- Why I might start gambling . . .

2009-03-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

I forgot to add to write about a seeming change of luck with me and the law! On Sunday, a friend and I were cruising through campus, taking the scenic route after I picked up my car from a parking lot. I may or may not have been going 10 or 15 miles over the speed limit. Of course, I got stopped by a campus police officer. Great: let my luck take over. We already know of my past record and apparently, my scent can still be picked up by police officers from miles away. As luck would have it (or at least my luck would have it), I didn't have my license on me. "Go ahead, officer. Add this one to my tab."

But wait! I left the scene of the crime with nothing but written warning that I could clear up magically by going to the JKB 2120 on campus. How could this be? I cried no tears. I did nothing different to change my luck.

Someone is looking out for me. Anyone want to play poker?

musings . . .

2009-03-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

* The world seems so surreal when you're walking home from campus at 11 pm in Provo, listening to Pirates of the Caribbean 3 soundtrack and the trees that surround you are covered in frosty, harsh snow.

* People in college shorten phrases that ought not to be shortchanged.
Examples: 'That was pretty dece."
'Whatev'
'I'm going on a fam. vaca.'
The list goes on and on . . . I just have tried to ignore them

* What does the 'Dange' (dainge? dainj?) mean? (This one's for you, Sam)

* Daylight Savings Time is ridiculous (College talk abbreviation: DST is ridic. How do you like them apples?)I want a sunny morning, not a sunny evening!!!! Viva la Arizona.

* Today, I learned of the "Importance of Stupidity". Look it up-- Martin A. Schwartz. Never again will you be ashamed to be stupid.

Loves

Learn to Listen; Listen to Learn

2009-03-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

I've been learning this lesson for a long time, but especially these past two weeks, I've learned of the importance of listening. You can learn something even from those people you wouldn't think would teach you anything.

So many times, I have had people just talk. They need to relieve themselves of whatever their mind has been thinking of. They may not have a point. They may forget their point. They may not even care if you listen, but if you do, you learn a lot about them.

For example, I went to a Utah Symphony concert this weekend with a guyfriend of mine. As you can imagine, much can be said in the space of a two-hour round trip to Salt Lake from little P-Town. On the way up, we didn't really talk of anything of great importance; we just discussed our common love. He pulled out recordings of his own music that he composed and I listened. As we drove, he was giving me commentary on each part. I listened, gathering his feelings about the pieces and original intentions, and weighed them against what I heard in his music. I listened and learned about him: he was a genuine person. His music conveyed exactly the feelings he told me that had inspired him. Both his communication and his artistic expression matched; no veiled personas, no insincere pomp . . . just expression. This allowed for deeper conversation on the way back. Hmm,I'm not sure it was conversation so much, though. This is one of the times that I learned to listen. He told me of some difficulties that he had had, the lessons that he learned and the feelings he had of it. Sometimes, in my impatience, I would just let my mind wander and not listen to someone who seemed to endlessly talk. Why listen when I could be thinking about something more that interests me? Good thing that was the old me, because I would have missed out on so much. I learned of his pain and his triumph. I learned of his great love for other people. I learned of the importance of communicating your gratitude and affection for others.

I learned to listen by listening to learn about my fellow men.

Luther, the Gazebo, and the Bright Sunshiney Day

2009-03-01T13:57:00.000-08:00

For any of you who live in Provo, you have to admit-- the weather here has been glorious this past week! My roommate decided to we couln't stand to be away from the wondrous sun and cool breeze and so we left on a walk. What I didn't know is that I would not just be basking in the sun, enjoying life, but that I would meet Luther, a man who's life has touched mine forever.

We were on the south side o' Provo and found this great big building called the Maeser School. Little did we know that this building was government subsidized housing for poor people over the age of 55. It had a little gazebo that we decided was really cute (I definitely made note of that place for future romantic rendezvous) and we sat down to just talk. After we talked for a little while, we noticed a person that came out to sit on the benches nearby. I say person because at first, we thought he was a woman. He definitely looked like he had had a hard life. He was in his fifties, had blond, shoulder length hair and was clothed in a couple of layers of clothes, so as to hide his manly figure. Sarah, being the returned missionary that she is, said we should go over and talk to him. Even though I am terrified of talking to shady strangers, I told her to lead the way. We sat down; thus began an amazing experience.

His name was Luther. He was from Georgia. His thick suhthuhn accent made it a little difficult to understand him, but we found out a lot. He was the youngest of 15 children. He had grown up as a Lutheran, but didn't go to church now because he was afraid of big groups of people. Growing up, he didn't like school, and I got the feeling that he actually dropped out before he finished. His daddy was an alcoholic. He mentioned something about not getting along with his daddy at all. He told us of the special bond that he felt towards his momma. He told us that his brother had killed himself in 1973. That same year, he was 20 and he swore off alcohol, and hasn't drank it since. Soon after that time, he picked up all of his belongings and left Georgia, without telling anyone or even knowing where he was going. He ended up in Arizona. He said, " I came to the desert to die." (no, not just from the weather) He told us that he had 'tempted to kill himself several times and thought about it often too, "but it just didn't work out".

Pause: how does committing suicide "just not work out"? He said that he had shot himself before, that he had planned on wrecking his car and a multitude of other ways, and yet here he was. This is the answer that he came up with: his will to live was stronger than his will to die. His deep religion carried him through.

Like I said before, he didn't go to church because he was afraid of big groups, but he told us that he felt the importance of religion came from a personal relationship with God. Amen! Never had truth been spoken so simply-- he had learned this from his own experience. Despite the hard things in his life, he picked up the Bible as his source of hope and peace. I asked him how the Bible had helped him in his life and he looked at me with fervor: "Jesus is the reason I am here today. Reading the Bible gives me hope, it gives me courage to persevere. When I was little, I went to church a couple times, and just started reading the Old Testament. I loved the stories of Abraham and Isaac and Moses saving the Israelites. I fell in love with Rebekah, Isaac's wife." I asked him to remind me of that bible story. In his simplicity, the theme of faith struck me very strongly. Rebekah just served one of Isaac's servants with water and then he invited her to come with him so that she could marry Isaac, without even knowing him. Would I do that? Well, Luther did. He left his "only familiarity" to be led by God. I asked him if, in hindsight, he could see how God guided his life. Again he said: "Definitely. I would be dead right now if it weren't for him". Wouldn't we all?

Honestly, this experience was somewhat surreal. I almost felt like this was a message to me to see my blessings. I have a nice apartment. I have a family that loves and supports me. I have food. I have amazing roommates. I know that God loves me. I know what I'm doing in my life because I know what the purpose of life is. How could I ever be ungrateful? Yes, life has its trials, but Luther's life reminded me that God will take care of you, even if you don't know what step to take next.

Come what may and love it!

Observations

2009-02-25T23:03:00.000-08:00

I'm amazed by people.

For some reason, I have been especially interested in how people interact with one another. There are the interactions that work just perfectly: once the other person is seen, happiness brightens the face of both people and they just seem to meld together in their embrace. Peace. You know that they hold no barriers against eachother; they trust one another and are genuinely excited to see one another.They have reached the point of clarity and stability.

And then there are the awkward relationships. Eye contact is made after shifty glances to and from the other person.Once existence is acknowledged, an uncertain step towards a hug is made by either party until either accepted or rejected by the other. Disjunct in communication-- what they say is not necessarily what they mean. "yeah, we should totally hang out sometime" translates to "I'm trying to be nice by being vague". Ah the subtleties.

These are not the only classifications. Oh no, there are many more variations on the theme of relationships, and yet these are just a few that I have noticed lately. What causes these relationships to be the way they are? Well, since talking to one of my friends lately, I realized that meaning is lost and found through communication. Yes, that is the simple answer. Both the silent and spoken communication between two people determines their relationship. If they are on the same page with a general understanding of and respect for the other person, a deep, genuine relationship can form.
We all want meaningful relationships, so why can't we just communicate? Hmm, it would be fallacious to assume this is the end all and be all of relationships and that this is the only cause, but it still is interesting to think about.

In other news, I went running today. It was glorious. I ran up the foothill trail in Provo and found a huge boulder to sit on. Ahh, all was at peace. I could see all of Provo, the Great Salt Lake, snow-capped mountains to the south and North and a gorgeous view all around me. I felt a peace while I sat there, with the wind blowing gently and the rain falling softly. Why was that so satisfying? I took a step back from college life, from responsibilities and expectations, and devoted the time to me. It was there that I could really look inside myself and ask if life was all that I wanted it to be.

The answer? Yes.

Why I'll Never Gamble

2009-01-25T14:11:00.000-08:00

Anyone who hears about my life would and should warn me vehemently not to gamble. I just don't have good luck, nor can I lie. Therefore, this makes for a bad combination when putting your financial life in the hands of lady luck. Sigh, allow me to explain.

Pretty much, all of my bad luck only touches two aspects of my life: boys and the law. At this time, we will only delve into the law aspect, as you clearly do not want me to spend all day enumerating my multiple misfortunes.

Run-in 1: December 26, 2006 Ticket for running a stop sign
My perfect record received its first blotch on a cold winter night on the lone streets of my Arizona neighborhood the day after Christmas. It was just me and the girls after a girls' night. Since I was cool and sixteen (soon to be 17), I offered to drive my non-vehicular friends home. As I was pulling out of the neighborhood, I suppose I did a rolling stop, or so I was told by a kind police officer. He was even so kind as to issue me a ticket to correct my ways forever. Ahh, thanks pal!I also didn't have my license, so that was a plus. No worries, traffic school easily resolved that mishap, striking that from the record. I was off the hook. . . or so I thought.

Run-in 2: December 30, 2006 Stopped for going 25 miles over the speed limit-- NO TICKET
Okay, so this is where mercy stepped into my life. Four days after my record was tarnished, I was on my way to the New Years' Eve stake dance. Obviously, this also was the cool thing to do where I could further flex my sixteen-soon-to-be seventeen year old coolness. I was so excited to get there, that I was going 50 on roads that you could normally go 50 on. It was a rural area with not much traffic at 10pm. Little did I realize that it was also a rural area that was having construction done: aka speed limit = 25mph. What I really didn't realize was this speed limit applied to all people, at all times of the day. Hmm, funny concept. Don't worry. There was a kind cop just waiting to show me the light. He stopped me and we had a nice chat. After a few tears were shed, he let me go and told me it was an early birthday present. That was the best birthday present ANYONE could ever give me.

Run-in 3: January 26th, 2007 Accident + ticket + totaled car + violin audition next day to determine my future.

It was my fault: I admit it. I turned left because I thought the other person coming from the other directions was turning right. The way I pictured it, we would synchronously turn in harmony, despite our current opposing directions. We would drive, side-by-side into the west, with smiles on our faces and not a care in the world. Nope. When I realized this was not the case, I had already begun turning. I froze. I stayed in the middle of the intersection. I got hit by a truck going 40 mph. I was only asking for it, what with sitting paralyzed in the middle of the intersection and all. My car didn't work and life was not great. Increased insurance, a totaled vehicle, and demotion to the school bus was not enough salt in the festering wound of my downtrodden luck. A pair of kind police officers "just did their job" by issuing me another ticket. How sweet! Now I had to shell out more money to go to a mandated "Traffic Survival School" and pay the ticket. Thanks guys! Now that I have been through that course, I can effectively instruct any and all how to avoid a DUI, while still having alcohol in the bloodstream. Yes indeed, facts for life. I also learned that Tent City in Arizona (a camp set up in the middle of the desert by Sheriff Joe Arpaio to keep those rascally criminals, including DUI-ers, at bay) is not as bad as everyone thinks. At least that's what my fellow criminals told me in class.

The next day, I had to fly out to Utah and audition to get into the music program at BYU. Needless to say, I did not do so well that day: it's hard to read music when your eyes are puffy and bloodshot from crying your heart out the day before. Blah. That day was somewhat disheartening, but I survived.

Run-in 4: June 25th, 2008 CRIMINAL TRESPASSING for crossing over railroad tracks.

I kid you not. I walked across railroad tracks and another considerate officer in Utah (bless his heart)showed me the light via a ticket and a date for the Utah court.

I thought that my bad luck would only apply to me if I had a car. Maybe my curse only followed me when I tempted fate in the form of a vehicle. Lucky for me (heh heh), I couldn't bring a car up to college for my first three semesters. That was okay; I could use a break from my bad luck. After I had gotten comfortable with the idea that I was just a normal person with normal luck, bad luck reared its ugly head once again. Being carless, my friend and I decided to walk to the nearby mall only 3 miles away. As we walked back from that lovely trip, we walked unknowingly on private property. La la la, everything was fine until the cop told us it wasn't. He was staked out; apparently some deep feeling within his bosom detected my bad luck and drew him to this specific place so that he may more fully perpetuate the cycle of my bad luck. Way to listen to your heart, friend! I wouldn't want to ruin my track record that I had going for me. By the end of the whole process--2 trips to the court totaling 6 hours and 100 dollars later-- I was on probation (whatever that meant) and was labeled a criminal for three months. Currently, I am no longer a criminal . . . until I do something else wrong that I have no idea is prohibited by law. But wait, the saga continues.

Run-in 5: January 24th 2009 Slid out on Canyon road, got hit by other car, with a police car 5 cars behind, at the ready.

I just got my car at the beginning of this Winter semester--Mistake number one. After having a very funny and ironic lunch with a young man that I had met over the weekend, I needed some thinking time. A drive sounded so good to me. It had rained/sleeted earlier that day, but it didn't seem too bad--Mistake number 2. I turned around 15 minutes into the canyon, realizing I was done thinking and that I needed to get back. As I was headed downhill, my car gracefully fishtailed into the side bank, spinning as a ballerina would, facing the opposing traffic. I was going south, but then I was facing north. I went on auto pilot and pulled out of the safety of the right shoulder to turn around. I wanted to get out of the freeway to a place of safety to assess the damage. Just as I was facing the right direction and starting to move forward, a poor old man and his wife, returning from their grandson's mission farewell, were unable to stop and thus hit my car. Bummer! BUT, no serious damage. Just as we decided both of our cars were workable and we just wanted to move on with our lives without incident, a cop car pulls up. I'm thinking,"Right on cue, officers! I was just about to leave a situation and count my blessings for no police involvement. Oh no, I wouldn't want that to happen! Thank my lucky stars".

Getting in the accident wasn't enough pain, Utah law decided. I must suffer by receiving a ticket. What was their basis, you ask? The law says something to the effect of all drivers must be able to operate a vehicle in any condition (duh)and if they cannot (ie sliding out on slippery highway) they must be severely punished until they acquire the skills. And thus my ticket.

And so here I sit, still somewhat stunned. This stinks. However, I cannot help, after thinking of all of my bad luck, all of the good luck that has accompanied me. In both of my accidents, no one was ever hurt. No injury ever came upon anyone mixed up in my dealings. As for my violin audition, it did not go well, and yet by some miracle I was put on the waiting list and accepted as a music major in June.I was only a criminal for three months and payed a small fine in comparison to what it could have been. My car still works after this accident and my roommate was ready to jump in her car and assist me the second I called her. What a blessing!

Yes, I do have bad luck. There is no argument against that and if you heard my tales of woe concerning the men in my life, you would just shake your head and count your blessings. But I would not have it any other way. Without these ridiculous events, I could not truly appreciate the good in my life. When life goes well, as it often does, I think to myself, "Wow! How is my life so good? I haven't seen a cop for 3 whole weeks! I don't deserve this".

And so it is. I will continue living life in hopes for good, but expecting bad, therefore being able to avoid the bad situations in my life as much as luck will allow.

In other news. . .

2009-01-22T23:06:00.000-08:00

In other news, Pushing Daisies is cancelled!!!! This is the worst day of my life, which is a shame because it was the best day earlier. Everything was going so well until I searched high and low on the ABC website for my precious Ned the pie-maker. Much to my dismay, it was cleansed from the list of Episodes, which led to further inquiry. I googled Pushing Daisies and read the word Cancellation in the same sentence as my beloved show's title. How could this be? This plot was the best among its competitors, its dialogue unmatched by its generation. The magical feeling it possessed thrilled my little boring heart. Why would they take this joy away from the tv watching world? Well, I would not stand for this, and so I contacted ABC in the form of a 500 character message. Had I been allotted more characters, I would have poured out my heart using rhetoric that would leave them with no choice but to bring back Pushing Daisies as simply as Ned Invigorates the dead by touching them with his hand. While another show would have to die in its place, I would not cry. It's simply the law of the gift; something I am willing to sacrifice in order to have my Wednesday night Ned back.

The start of something new

2009-01-22T22:56:00.000-08:00

Hooray for this day! Today is the day that I found the joy for writing and the inspiration to begin my blogging quest. Let me tell you of relationship with this strange new idea. When I first heard the term blogging, it was spoken from the mouth of two radio personalities from Arizona named "Beth-and-Bill", only to be said one right after the other, ne'er to exist individually. I digress. These voices were the first ones I heard every morning because of my alarm clock's lack of buzzer and possession or radio alarm. Whether I was too lazy to change the radio station, or my annoyance with those two had been worn down to something more like an affinity, they remained my morning muses for at least 6 years. Towards the last two years, I heard this strange word of "blog". I realized that I was not very coherent in the mornings, but I did not think I was that bleary-eared. More and more they would say "check out this new recipe on our blog" or "you can see Crazy-Eyed Jack on out blog" and other such nonsense. "What is this . . . blog of which they speak? It sounds ridiculous, like a child's diary for all to see. I despise this idea." How ironic it is that I am confessing these feelings on my very own blog. And thus it begins. I hope you enjoy, because I sure do!